Tom Foolery

"Tell ya boy Reggie to keep my name out of his mouth!"

The famous French writer of the 1600’s, Francois de la Rochefoucauld, once said, “The intellect is always fooled by the heart.” Big Momma said it this way, “Baby, your eyes are way bigger than your stomach.” The old Italians used to say, "If you gone talk the talk! You gotta walk the walk." The playas in the hood simply broke it down like this, “Don’t write checks your butt can’t cash pimpin’!”

Well, ole Reggie Evans learned the hard way on Wednesday night as LeBron James and the Miami Heat came through the Barclays Center and rocked the joint like Jay-Z beatin’ the brakes off of the Brooklyn Nets 105-85. The Heat have beaten these cats 3 times this year by a combined 63 points. What was so crazy was that Reggie Evans of the Nets was talkin’ trash to LeBron in the media before the game! “Who?” Some dun named Reggie from Pensacola. “Ruthy Mae’s baby boy?” I guess! “Oh that clears that up huh?” SMH

This clown told the Daily News that he wasn’t impressed with the Heat winning the NBA championship because it was a lockout season. We went on to say and I quote, "Our team is defending the Miami Heat. If our team has to defend one person, LeBron isn't going to score nothing. LeBron is no different from Joe Johnson or Andray Blatche. No different.”

So LeBron went out and hit ‘em up like Tupac for 24-9-7 as he’s gone 17-0 verses the Nets after starting his career 6-10 against them. He’s scored 20 points in the last 20 games against these clowns and you’ve got a scrub talking noise to the best player on the planet? Wheredeydodatat?

 It would be different if it were Kobe or Durant talking. At least you would say, “Well LeBron better bring his B+ game tonight!" But cats that can get down already know how hard it is to win a title and they already know that LeBron ain’t no joke! So that won’t EVER happen and Kobe’s got 5 rings! It's called RESPECT or around my way, "Game Recognizing Game!"

See ole Reg was sitting around with all of his homeboys that he’s currently sponsoring because he’s the only one that made it out. You know the drill. Now the whole crew is living better off of him in the Big Apple. You know these duns were sittin’ up smoking weed, playing video games and a boy just hollered out, “LeBron ain’t nothin’! You can take him son! (Boyz have picked up a little NY lingo now.) He a man just like you Reg!”, and there it was! He showed up, gased up and a boy threw a mic in his face and he drowned.

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! How do you talk crazy to a boy and not score a single point in the game you're hyped up about? How do you even fix your mouth to woof when you’re averaging 3.2 points per game, .5 assists, .09 blocks and .82 steals? Those ain’t even whole numbers playboy! It should be illegal to be in the stat column with fractions! I say David Stern should fine this dun for impersonating a professional basketball player.

To get .5 steals is like you stole the joint and then felt bad about it and gave it back. How do they even record .09 blocks playa? That’s like saying you thought about blocking it, then on the way up you changed your mind and just waived. How does this dun even get to travel with the team with .82 steals? It’s like you tried to steal the little old lady’s purse and she Rodney King’d you with her cane until the police showed up.

Let this be a lesson to all the cats that are simply lucky to be in the league! See everybody in the NBA can ball. The difference is that superstars like LeBron, Kobe and Durant can ball with somebody talkin’ trash and guarding them. See this Reggie character thought he was going down to the Rucker to play LaBrandon James that has a shoe deal with Zips instead of LeBron James, King James if ya nasty! LeBron may as well have pulled a fake rat out of his pocket because that dun disappeared at the tip! Now go head on with that Tom Foolery.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Certified Pimp!

"Who? Yeah I know the NCAA! They got a strong pimp hand!"

Malcolm X once said, “I’m for truth, no matter who tells it. I’m for justice, no matter who it’s for or against.” Albert Einstein broke us off with, “In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.” Aristotle kept it real by saying, “At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst.”

Aristotle must have been a college athlete back in his day playing in the Coliseum. Boyz were making a fortune broadcasting his games on Caesar’s Television Network because he hit the nail on the head when he said that joint. For years the NCAA has been pimpin’ college athletes especially those playing major college football and men’s basketball.

On Tuesday a federal judge dismissed a motion by the NCAA to prevent football and men’s basketball players from legally pursuing a cut of live broadcasts revenues. Since 2009 more than a dozen law firms have spent more than $20 million dollars pursuing this law suit which has a hearing set for June 20th. This would be huge if they could win it and this latest ruling definitely helps their case.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Boyz have been getting pimped for years by the NCAA in the name of education! I can hear some clown in the background now, “They’re on scholarship are you kidding me? It’s a free education!” Well is it? Sounds more like a job to me bruh. The other students don’t have to manage the load of going to class, practice and playing games. Most importantly, the student-athlete is making the universities and all of its sponsors’ rich beyond measure playboy.

How much did he say?

Let’s take a look at the NCAA Tournament alone. The 68-team tournament will bring in roughly $771 million for the NCAA this year -- with the vast majority of that coming from broadcast rights payments from CBS. That money basically funds the entire operation of the National Collegiate Athletic Association, and is the financial lifeblood of many smaller schools' athletic departments. Advertisers pay CBS about $100,000 for a 30-second spot in round one and up to $1.2 million in the finals and you’re telling me that a boy can’t get any of that bread?

In 2011 it was announced that the NCAA had reached a new 14-year, $11 billion deal with CBS Sports and Time Warner-owned Turner Sports for the rights to broadcast the NCAA Tournament from 2011–2024. We haven’t even mentioned all of the bread that every one from the schools, TV deals and the host cities are about to make off of the College Football Final 4 starting in 2014 playa!  So these boyz have completely taken advantage of the student athlete by giving them what they call a free education that is essentially an absorbed cost to the university.

It doesn’t cost a dime to stick some cat into a class that’s already being taught and then make a fortune off of him with ticket, jersey, video game and TV rights. In my famous G.I. lingo, “Tell that to somebody who you KNOW don’t KNOW, cuz I KNOW!”  I was born at night not last night!

How bout paying boyz what you owe 'em then allow them to pay you tuition out of that. If you don't wanna give it to them while they're in school I'm cool with that. Pay duns on the way out whether they graduate or not. Then subtract the tuition out of it but don't tell me they're gettin' over because they're on scholarship! It's like you telling them to pay attention to your left hand and going through their pockets with your right.

I’m just glad to see someone is finally jamming the NCAA up for pimpin’ in broad day light! These boyz have been riding around with the Bishop Don Juan lime green suit with the gators to match, jumpin’ out of the lime green clean’74 Coupe De Ville with Trues and Vogues and vanity plates that say, "Certified Pimp!" for way too long! Stop me when I start lyin'!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

4 Brothers

"Man y'all better listen! You gone end up like me!"

Ernest Hemingway once said, “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”  William Shakespeare just kept it simple by saying, “Listen to many, speak to few.” Big Momma shut the building down with two joints, “Baby, at some point you gone learn that fat meat is greasy!" and "The best sense is bought sense! ”

Earlier this week I wrote the Hot Joint entitled "Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!" trying to tell these cats that if you aren’t a million dollar stud you don’t need to go anywhere near the Super Bowl this week!  Boyz will be going hard in the paint and if you can’t play in the blocks you’re gonna to get embarrassed. We’ll I ran into 4 brothers at the airport on their way to New Orleans that have absolutely no business in the French Quarter this week. Their names were Mortgage, Light & Gas, Car Note and Child Support.

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! They weren’t even thinking about going until their cousin named Rapid Refund talked ‘em into it. He gave them the usual line that it only comes around once a year and that they deserve to go down there and get it in. Now Rapid has always been a big instigator and when boyz listen to him they usually end up in jail or worse but they always let this fool get them into trouble. 

I can already tell you how the week is gonna go for these cats! See Mortgage is the Alpha male with the most bread so boyz always let him call the shots. He’ll have ‘em on Bourbon Street every day at the crack of dawn drinking because he’s buying. Light & Gas has the uncanny ability to find the hottest parties even in cities that he knows nothing about. He see’s everything and it comes naturally to him. Those $300 parties I told you about earlier is no problem for this dun. He’s sponsoring boyz all week on the party tip because that’s just how he gets down playboy. He's shining!

Car Note seems to have a built in navigation system bruh. He can find whatever spot you wanna go to and never trips on gas money.  So look out Big Easy these duns are gonna ball like Master P and No Limit in ‘96 this week!

Finally Child Support is the player of the group. He knows all of the women in town and those that he doesn’t know, he’ll get to know! Trust me! This cat has no preference either. He’ll holler at the little petite chicks as well as the big girls. I saw him posted up with some plus plus plus size girls that were wearing their stomachs out at last year's events. They thought that the memo read, “Stomachs required for this outfit!” When it really said, “Take your stomach OFF before putting this joint on! Otherwise you'll be in violation of article 1 section 7 of the “Just Because They Make it in Your Size Doesn’t Mean You Can Wear It!” ordinance."

Some cats just have that ability to pull and do damage on every trip and this one will be no different. Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl! So these boyz have completely taken the brakes off all together and have just floored it! It’s all good this week playa but next week is just sitting in the cut waiting on boyz!

It’s like when you were a kid and you would get into trouble at 3:30pm. Your mother would tell you to wait until your father gets home but this dun didn’t get off work until midnight! Then you try to act like it’s all good and keep playing but you know it’s going down as soon as he walks in the door. It just kills the fun, right?

When their plane lands at the crib next week their boy Rapid will be a missing person! He always disappears after he gives boyz bad advice and you won't see him again until next January. These Joe’s will be a shell of themselves when they pull up. Mortgage will be on punishment and can’t have company. On some real talk, he’ll be hoping that his key still works.

Light & Gas won’t be able to see anything for at least two weeks and will have a bad cold! Car Note will be hiding his woman a couple of blocks away so that the bank doesn't lure her away in the middle of the night. Your boy Child Support will be hiding from his baby mommas because he was already in the rears before he left. Foolishness! Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl and boyz won’t listen!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Hit me up on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Super Bowl Saturday?

"Dude, I did way too much and I gotta go to work in the morning!"

The phenomenon known as Friday Night Lights is better known as high school football in America. Saturdays have been reserved for college football and the famous art of all day tailgating. Therefore, when professional football became a viable sport in this country it was played on Sundays.You do realize that college football came way before pro football, right?

Typically the NFL plays it's games at 1:00 and 4:15pm on Sunday afternoons. There is also a prime time game on Sunday known as Sunday Night Football. The weekend is capped off with the biggest game of the week or the football spectacular known as Monday Night Football.

In more recent years with the institution of the NFL network some games have been played on Thursdays starting on Thanksgiving but in 2012 they completely bum rushed the joint and Thursday games have become a staple. Why does the NFL choose to do it this way? Ratings playboy! It's all about the bottom line; paper, scrilla, deniro or as we call it around my way, good old fashioned bread! So if that is the case why is the Super Bowl still being played on Sunday bruh?

Over the years the Big Game has become an unofficial national holiday! It's the most watched television event in the United States and probably the most watched event in the world. Everybody is either hosting a Super Bowl party or going to one.

The only problem that cats run into is that the game doesn't start until 6:30pm and the halftime show is extremely long. This year boyz can't wait to post up because Beyonce' is performing so you already know. Combine that with a party already filled with alcohol, food and friends and the night can get away from you real quick. So what typically happens? People start unwillingly leaving the party at halftime because they either have to go to work the next morning, their kids have to go to school or both. That completely destroys the evening and your buzz if you're a drinker!

If it really is about the money and ratings why not have the joint on Saturday homeboy? I know the tradition has been to have it on Sunday but what's wrong with Super Bowl Saturday? Let's help the American economy all the way around! Don't just think about the NFL and it's advertisers. Let everybody get in on the action by allowing the restaurants, bars, clubs and hotels an opportunity to make more money too. I know they're getting paid now but think about how much bread could be generated if the game was on Saturday! Boyz could make an entire weekend out of it!

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Moving the game up just one day gives everybody else the opportunity to get their paper too and more people will watch the game in it's entirety. The parties would last longer and the American workforce would be more productive on Monday morning because less people would call in sick. Cuz you already know boyz have been practicing their Monday morning Super Bowl post-game cough since last week. I hear you laughing because you've been practicing your "I'm sick speech" too! You've been standing in the mirror like you're rehearsing an Easter speech.

There's no rule that says that the game has to be played on Sunday so why keep doing it? I know you'll argue tradition but I'll argue bread trumps tradition. Just ask all of the college football programs that have recently destroyed 100 year old rivalries by changing conferences for the sake of baking bread. I don't agree with it but I understand duns gotta get paid.

When Oklahoma and Nebraska or Texas and Texas A&M can stop playing each other because it's too much money to pass up in the Big Ten and SEC all bets are off. The Super Bowl can be played on Saturday. Trust me! The Texas vs A&M game had been played every year since 1894 and the Oklahoma/Nebraska joint was first played in 1912! If these cats can change don't tell me the NFL can't, especially if more bread is on the table!
.

"I'm callin' off tomorrow playa!"

They're playing NFL games on Thursdays and Mondays already and after the college football season is over they take over Saturdays too. We just watched the divisional playoffs held on Saturday a few weeks ago.  So why not hold the biggest game of the year on Saturday so we all can get it in? Otherwise, Joe's are going to keep calling off on Monday and that ain't good for the American economy pimpin'!

Not only am I looking out for your right to get it in but I'm looking out for the economy too! Plus you already know some idiot is gonna get fired on Monday morning for smelling like weed and alcohol because he went on and jumped in head first because he didn't have a "No" man in his camp. Stop me when I start lyin' bruh!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Why? Cuz It's the Super Bowl!

"Unless you can afford one of these playboy, stay at the crib!"

Everybody has dreams of flossin' in New Orleans this week! Why? Cuz it’s the Super Bowl! Women and men alike are hitting the malls to get the latest gear as we speak homeboy. The beauty, barber and nail shops will be at full tilt by weeks end! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl! Rim shops all over the South will do 300% more business between Saturday and this Friday! People that live further away will fly in.  Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now before everybody runs to the N.O. for what people think is going to be a free-for-all. Let me break down the ground rules, if you will, for gettin' it in at a major event. Why? Cuz I'm Ya Boy and it's the Super Bowl!

Now let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Not everybody will be able to show up and participate in the festivities bruh! Beautiful women, notice that I said the word "BEAUTIFUL" women, will be carte blanche all week at every event! If you're fine enough you won't even need money. Now ladies it’s up to you to determine weather you’re fine enough to make the cut before to head to the Big Easy. I won’t take responsibility for making that decision for you. That's why you gotta have a no man/homegirl in your camp. I'll explain that in a minute! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

For my bruhs on the other hand, it's not that simple! Let me give it to you straight up with no chaser so that you understand what you're buying before you show up and get your feelings hurt! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

These young thunder cats don't understand the proper etiquette for attending a major event: Super Bowl, NBA All-Star Game or major Las Vegas fight (Mayweather etc). Take notes fellas if you’re planning to go the Super Bowl this week or for that matter the NBA All-Star Game in a few weeks in Houston.

Rule #1 and the only rule bruh! If you're not ballin' out of control, that means if you don't have pro-athlete, entertainer or major executive money you need to stay at home, the crib, the flat or the double wide homeboy! Like my man Jay-Z said in "Imaginary Players" on his second album: "You beer money, I'm all year money, I'm popping, you ain't got to count it, it's all there money! I never change money 'cause brothers got strange money!" He goes on to say, "I got bail money, XXL money, You got flash now, but time will reveal money!" Please don't come to New Orleans and be that guy he's talkin' about bruh! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Events like these aren't for you. They are exclusively for duns that have big money (millionaires) and gorgeous women and here's why. Many of the ladies (groupies) that show up to these events are trying to get chosen. Now most of them don't have a dime but women at these type of events don't need money, they just have to be fine. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Unfortunately, young ball players and entertainers have a fetish for beautiful women. So the ladies can show up broke and be just "FINE." If they're not, they'll be standing outside cursing in their southern drawl, "I done bought all these clothes and I can't get in %#*!!?" Hey, I didn't write the rules; I'm just giving you the information before you go down there and make a fool out of yourself. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

It's going to be celebrities all over town with more money than you can count and they're going to be spending it as fast as the speed of sound. In every club and restaurant the bread will be loose and so will the women if you got the right type of paper. Now how silly will you look when the cover for the party is starting at $300.00 and you've budgeted $1000.00 for the entire week. This isn't a trip for people on budgets. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Groupies will be expecting for some millionaire cat to pay for them and their girls to get into the club ($300.00 each to get in, not to mention food and drinks all night) and you think you've got a shot playboy? Not a chance playa. You and your boyz will be standing out front kickin' rocks trying to holler at women that on a normal night you could impress but not this week pimpin'! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

You can't compete in a room full of multimillionaires (pro athletes and entertainers) and you've got a job, albeit a good job because you were able to get the week off and buy a plane ticket to New Orleans, right? You've got a 401K, a savings account and you even drive a brand new Infinity. Heck, you got a promotion last week that put you over the $100K mark. Around your way you're the big boss but not in New Orleans, SUPER BOWL WEEK! You better reschedule your trip for sometime in mid April bruh. Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now you can run down there if you won't to! You gone get embarrassed pulling up in that Chrysler 300 rimmed out! You got boyz tellin' you it looks like a Phantom 'til a Phantom pulls up! You can't even fake it in that new E 550 you just bought as a result of your promotion because these cats ain't playin' out here! Hey, you better be careful because you might even see your OWN girlfriend down there under somebody else’s arm. You better cuff that if you wanna keep it playa! Remember R. Kelly already told you that boyz are "Flirtin'!" So if I were you, I'd stand clear of New Orleans until after the Super Bowl bruh! Why? Cuz it's the Super Bowl!

Now I'm not telling you what I heard playa! I'm telling you what I know! I drove over 600 miles to Atlanta for the Super Bowl back in 2000 just to get it in when I was a single man! Nobody told me the rules before I left home and I spent the entire week standing outside with my face pressed against the glass looking through the window listening to the chick that didn't have a "no" man/homegirl cursing everybody out cuz she couldn't get in either. Why? Cuz it was the Super Bowl!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Hit me up on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
Like TheJayGravesReport on Facebook at http://on.fb.me/sTI3qZ

Pulled Over

"You wanna see what?"

Abraham Lincoln once said, “These men ask for just the same thing, fairness, and fairness only. This, so far as in my power, they, and all others, shall have.” The former Chief White House Correspondent Brit Hume said it this way, “Fairness is not an attitude. It’s a professional skill that must be developed and exercised.”

Well if that is the case then Pat Forde of Yahoo Sports needs to go to the gym ASAP homeboy! This dun jumped off of the deep end Thursday night when UCLA’s Shabazz Muhammad sported a Gucci backpack during his post game interview after the Bruins 84-73 upset No.6 Arizona.

Not only did this clown call the kid out for wearing the joint but he went on to say that he looked the price up on the Gucci website and the cheapest he could find was $990. This moron still didn’t have the sense to stop there. He went on to say that I’m quite sure that you can find them on sale, right? You know it was a complete hater move when he's gotta look up the price playboy! Real ballers already know how much they cost!

"Ain't nobody ask me nothing homeboy!"

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! He hasn’t written an article calling out Johnny Football for showing up at a Miami Heat/Dallas Maverick game sitting courtside posted up like he’s got Jay-Z and Beyonce paper. Not to mention the Heisman trophy winner is posting pictures of himself on Twitter at a casino holding large sums of money and he’s not even old enough for be in the joint. He didn’t write a joint about former Alabama quarterback Greg McElroy when he was pushing a Range Rover while still a student in Tuscaloosa! Stop me when I start lyin' bruh!

He was cool with assuming that these white kids families could afford those luxuries for them but the black kid’s family couldn’t possibly afford a backpack right? Well, it turns out that Shabazz’s sister Asia is a professional tennis player and she and their mother bought it for him as a gift. Now Johnny and Greg's folks have plenty of bread too but my point is he never called them out like he did Shabazz!

On some real talk, she didn’t have to be a pro athlete to afford a freaking Gucci backpack playa! Boyz buy them all of the time.  I’m not trippin’ that this clown thought it but that he had the audacity to write it.

I’ve got no problem with the thought popping into his head because I think the same things when I see ANY college athlete, black or white, rocking something expensive or pushing a hot whip on the yard because of the influence of shady boosters everywhere. However, there is always the possibility that a kid's family is in a position to provide those things too. So therefore, you can’t just call some kid out and especially a black kid if you’re white because it immediately comes across crazy whether you wanted it to or not pimipin’!

You can’t racially profile a boy and then take it back. You can’t imagine the amount of times I’ve been pulled over for BBWDLV which stands for “Being Black While Driving a Luxury Vehicle” but never received a ticket because boyz just wanted to verify the car was mine. Not only have I been pulled over. I’ve had duns get out with weapons drawn just to see my license, registration and insurance because I couldn’t have possibly bought that joint. Well, that’s what Pat Forde did to this kid on Thursday and he can’t take it back.

"Ballin' courtside still no articles playa!"

Big props to sis for calling him out by hitting him up on Twitter and saying, “I have the original receipt if you need to verify that.” This is the type of behavior that is completely out of line bruh! Treat ALL people with the same respect. If you’re going to question a student athlete’s bread then question ALL student athletes bread. Don’t just pull the brother out of the line up because you look like a racist when you do homeboy! Then you end up sounding like Steve Urkel, “Did I do that?” The longer I live the more Bob Dylan is starting to make sense when he said, “All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.”

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Chitterlings

In layman's terms: "Now you know you sound like a fool right?"

Kenny Rogers said it best in The Gambler, “You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run.” Big Momma was always honest when she said, “Boy sometimes you gotta know when to close yo mouth.” All of the real G’s just said it this way, “Hey bruh, you tryna do way too much pimpin’!”

All Manti Te’o had to do was chill at this point. He’d already done the Jeremy Schaap interview albeit it was a punk move to do it without cameras but at least he said his peace. The great thing about the 24 news cycle is that the joint never ends and all you have to do is be patient and somebody else will do something stupid to let you off of the hook!

Instead of boyz ridin’ Dwight Howard all week they’re back on Manti Te’o. He let his publicist/agent or whatever he/she is railroad him into doing the Katie Couric Show only to get slimed. This dun agreed to sit down on camera because they’re represented by the same person and now he’s added at least two more weeks to this foolishness that he calls a “Hoax.” Kati and the agent/publicist are the only ones that made out here. Manti is looking like an even bigger fool now!

Te’o shows up to the interview with tapes of his voice mails, doin’ way too much, to prove that he got duped! Now we find out that the woman on the other end of the phone that he talked to for hours on end was in fact Ronaiah Tuiasosopo, a dude! Let’s stop right there playa! Let’s pause like a comma and let’s dangle like a participle on that joint!

Now you want me to believe that you talked to a dude for more than 4 months from May to September making more than 1,000 calls that lasted more than 500 hours and this dun never coughed, belched or burst out laughing and never sounded like Lurch from the Adams Family?  In my Ochocinco voice, “CHILD PLEASE!”

Sounds like to me Te’o is trying way too hard to cover up the fact that he "may" be gay but the clown on the other end of the phone disguising his voice is for sure. Nobody hollers at someone every freaking night for hours on end acting like a woman just to pull a prank bruh. He was feelin' Manti. So the question is, “Was Manti Te’o feelin' HIM?” Now if he was that’s his business and he's gotta be who he’s gotta be and I know that folks will embrace him either way! Just don’t try to run game on boyz out here because he's making a complete fool of himself trying to prove otherwise.

As of this morning the New York Post is reporting that it was ole boy's female cousin that Te'o was talking to. If we lounge here a little longer it's gonna turn out to be Charlie "freaking" Brown on the other line bruh!

He can’t be that naïve and stupid so he’s got to be lying! That’s like telling me you didn’t cook chitterlings when I walk in the crib because I could smell them down the street. They smell horrible and they stink up the entire house for days bruh! No thanks!! Te’o is like the cat that grew up in the suburbs and was sheltered and is now an undercover agent working Vice in the hood. He’s trying his best to fit in but he just doesn’t know how and is sticking out like Keenen Ivory Wayans' toe in "I'm Gone Git You Sucka.". I completely understand why he won’t just come out and say it because he’ll be ostracized in an NFL locker room if he does.

Here’s the clown that’s always breathing over my shoulder trying to call me out, “Why can’t he be openly gay in an NFL locker room if that’s who he is?” He can be whoever and whatever he wants to be because God loves everybody playa. I’m cool with him being gay but I’m not the problem, the locker room is.

An NFL football locker room isn’t like the real world homeboy. See the real world is very diverse culturally, mentally and socially. The locker room is filled with all of the same type of people that are overly aggressive, testosterone driven and like minded. So therefore, you can’t just role up in the spot and announce that you’re gay and expect that boyz are gonna be OK with it. Is it right? Absolutely not! Is it the truth? Absolutely!

 Unfortunately, he doesn’t live in a world of what should be, he lives in a world of what is and that world is FOOTBALL. That game is comprised of the same personalities and is driven by one thing, testosterone and there’s nothing people can do about that unless they’re going to change the name of it and get different types of personalities to play it. Otherwise, coming out in that environment will be virtually impossible to do. On some real talk, that goes for the NBA and MLB too!

It’s not like going to work in the real world because there is so much diversity in thinking and there's always different levels of estrogen and testosterone floating around and most importantly folks don’t shower together on the job. I’m quite sure there are some duns in the league right now that are gay but they aren’t going to let anybody know it because it would have a profound effect on their careers. That’s why we have yet see an active player come out in the league. I feel bad for Te’o because he tried way too hard to cover up the chitterlings when all he had to do was eat, spray and keep it moving instead of lying about cookin' them joints in the first place.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Running Scared

"Ima call my momma too cuz they keep messin' with me!"

Winston Churchill once said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” The British author J.K. Rowling chimed in with this, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.” Old man Mr. Willie that sat in the vacant lot always said, “If you keep letting these boys punk you every morning it’s gonna always be a long walk to school baby boy.”

At some point y’all are gonna listen to me bruh! I told you back before the season started that Dwight Howard and Kobe Bryant could not play together. Kobe is like the old man that’s been working in the mill for 35 years and doesn’t care how abrasive he comes across because he’s about to retire. Dwight is as soft as drug store cotton candy mentally and he’s the cat that Mr. Willie watched get beat up every morning on the way to school because he wouldn’t stand up for himself.

On Wednesday before they took an “L” in Memphis 106-93 the Lakers held a team meeting to address any problems and to air out any differences. Both Steve Nash and Kobe spoke up. The Black Mamba went right at Buster Brown to ask him if he was bothered playing alongside of him according to the LA Times. In hood terms he essentially asked if he had a problem with him. Of course, ole Dwight was despondent and did not offer much of a reply according to a team source.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st!  Real cats can’t hang out with busters. It’s something about the way the cosmos is structured playa. They can’t occupy the same space and when they are forced into the same space there is an erosion of both elements. The real cat becomes so irritated by the buster that he can’t function naturally and the buster just gives up and falls apart.

Now let me use the term "REAL CAT" loosely when referring to Kobe Bryant because he's a mark too but just not on the court! Boyz forget all about how he violated the code when he threw Shaq under the bus when he initially got arrested in that whole sexual assault joint. It was like if they were playing hide and seek as kids and both Shaq and Kobe were hiding in the bushes but Kobe's feet were sticking out. They catch HIM and he jumps out of the bushes and says, "Come on man! They caught US!" Naw playa they caught YOU!

During the first half of the game Dwight complained about a shoulder injury and did not play in the second. This dun wasn’t anymore hurt during the game than he was before the joint started! His feelings were hurt more than anything because a real competitive dun stepped to him and took what was left of his manhood. Whenever you let a cat step to you and ask you if you’ve got a problem with him in front of boyz and you crawl into a shell like a turtle it’s a wrap. He may as well have taken off all of his jewelry and gave it to him.

Stop looking at sports as just being sports homeboy! On some real talk, its real life in those locker rooms with cats from REAL hoods, suburbs and rural areas. Let’s be honest, a typical NBA or NFL locker room is more than 65% made up of hood cats that all come together to play a game. Just because a boy is playing pro ball doesn’t mean that he left his natural instincts at the crib. I don’t care how much bread you put on top of a situation natural instincts that a cat came up with are always going to rise to the top at the end of the day.

There are affiliations and sets in every locker room! In the suburbs they call them cliques but however you decide to spell them they exist. So depending on what you have in there is what you’re going to get on the floor. The set that runs the locker room runs the team and that gives you the product on the floor. If boyz are naturally aggressive then you'll have an aggressive team. If you've got a bunch of passive busters then you'll have a soft team getting mugged every night by the more aggressive one.

The best predictor of future behavior is to look at past behavior. Didn’t Buster Brown quit on Orlando last year right before the playoffs to have a back surgery that really could have been done after the season? This dun didn’t even try to play and left his boyz hanging. Now Kobe is ridin’ him and he all of a sudden he has a shoulder injury that’s so bad that he can’t play in the second half. Now I realize that the joint has been giving him problems but while his feelings were hurt it was a perfect time to sit and pout. I’m just sayin’! What’s that Mr. Willie? “It’s gonna be a long walk to school baby boy!” You know I hear that Mr. Willie! Just make sure these boyz don't break in my ride while you still sittin' out here!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Foolish Hearts

"I'm still weighing my options playa! You can understand that!"

Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “Confidence…thrives on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection and on unselfish performance. Without them it cannot live.” Ben Franklin sounded like an O.G. from around the way when he said, “There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.” Chris Rock just made it easy to understand by saying, “A man is only as faithful as his options.”

If confidence thrives on honor, sacredness of obligation and unselfish performance then why are the Lakers still fooling around with Dwight Howard? If a man is only as faithful as his options, then why get into a relationship with ole wishy washy Dwight? Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak is still holding on to the possibility that they have a chance to sign Buster Brown to a long term deal.

Howard becomes an unrestricted free agent on July 1. That means that he can bounce without obligation to the Lakers and sign with another team. If he does, the Lakers get nothing in return for his services, zero, nadda, zip or in my Bernie Mac Players Club voice, "Notin!, Notin!" So boyz are gambling big time by keeping this clown around because we’ve seen this movie once before in Orlando.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! That’s like hooking up with the bad chick that every cat in school is chasing but she’s known to be a tease to some and a player to others. In other words, she's that girl that's always playing games with boyz. You finally reel her in and now that you’ve got her she’ll change her stripes because you’re the man. Yeah right! On some real talk, it’s like dating a woman while you both are married and then deciding that it’ll be better if you both got a divorce and got married instead of continuing to play this game. Then getting upset when she cheats on you. Dwight is who he is bruh, no matter how good you treat him!

If the Lakers have any sense they’ll ship him out of there quick, fast and in a hurry like Big Momma used to say. Otherwise, they’re gonna get left holding the empty bag of potato chips with ketchup at the bottom. That’s old school right there pimpn'. If you don’t know what I’m talking about don’t worry about it. If you didn’t get that one I know you won’t get them being left holding the Dill Pickle with a peppermint stuffed inside of it after some dun knocked it out of his hand falling off of the monkey bars.

This cat is already complaining about not getting shots, not liking D’Antoni’s system and everybody can see that he and Kobe are a “What you say to me?” away from scrappin’ every night! Kobe ain’t going nowhere until he’s good and ready homeboy so don’t even think about that!

Therefore, the Lakers can role the dice and lose or they can trade this mark and at least get something for him. Under normal circumstances the Lakers would be the place to be. After all, 50% of all NBA titles have been won by the Lakers and the Celtics. So being in LA makes sense for a star player but Jim Buss is dragging the team through the mud right now making terrible decisions. They are a mess and if Buster Brown has options he’d be a fool to sign a long term deal with the young ego-maniac son of a legendary owner. So the ball is in LA’s court! Be a fool or trade the fool but somebody’s gotta put on that hat playa!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Facebook Gangsta

Welker: Dude, my wife is trippin'! Brady: "Yeah bruh, she's worse than mine!"

Robert A. Heinlein known as the dean of science fiction hit boyz off with this, “A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.” In the hood they just call that being a plain old hater. Whenever you’re on your grind and folks can’t stop you from gettin’ it in they’re gonna hate! It’s just that simple! I’ve always said, “If 50% of the people in the room aren’t hatin’ on you then you need to step your game up.”

Well Wes Welker’s wife Ann let that jealousy bug climb into her heart on Sunday after she witnessed her husband and his homeboy’s get carjacked and beaten up in Foxboro by Ray Lewis and a street gang called the Ravens. After the Patriots got mugged in front of nearly 70,000 people ole girl took to her Facebook page and acted a complete fool and I quote:

"Proud of my husband and the Pats. By the way, if anyone is bored, please go to Ray Lewis' Wikipedia page. 6 kids 4 wives. Acquitted for murder. Paid a family off. Yay. What a hall of fame player! A true role model!"

Now if that ain’t some down right hatin’ I don’t know what is bruh! Your husband and his boyz just got the brakes beat off of them in front of the whole world and all you have to do with your time is put some cat's personal life on blast online? How childish is that? What does Ray Lewis’ family have to do with him terrorizing your little itty bitty husband and his boyz on national TV? He was like the boogie man out there on those boyz.

At least when Tom Brady's wife went off after the Super Bowl last year she was just backing some boyz up off of her. I had no problem with the way she handled it. That was a G move on her part because the fans were completely disrespectful to her. However, Wes' wife better watch out because Ray Ray's baby mommas ain't from the suburbs. They may have some bread now but ghetto tendencies are permanent pimpin'! They're probably puttin' the vaseline on their faces and kickin' off their heels just reading this joint. "Where that $#&%* at!" I can hear 'em comin' don't street now with some old school Pro Keds on just for the occasion. They put the Bentley up and are ridin' deep in the before Ray Lewis joint, a '92 Skylark with 3 hub caps just to give them an edge!

Ole girl completely violated every rule in the Hood Handbook of Family Protocol playa! She mentioned a boyz wife or potential wife, baby momma or mommas, jump offs and his kids! You can't back out of the door with an apology on that one homeboy! There's only one way to solve a problem like this and only those that grew up with a hood address know what I'm talking about! So if you don't know I can't help you!

So if Baby Ray had one kid and had only been married once or didn't have any kids out of wedlock would that have changed the beaten that the Patriots would have gotten? If he’d never been involved in the murder situation would that have changed the score or kept him from imposing his will on your husband's team? Absolutely not playa! Therefore, you sound like a 16 year old that just got beat up on the bus and you're looking for some sympathy but everybody’s laughing at you and shaking their heads.

 Let’s keep it real of all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Why didn’t ole girl bring up the fact that New England hasn’t been able to win a Super Bowl since being caught in the whole spygate joint? I’m just sayin’! They were dominating the league as long as they were cheating. Why wasn’t that put on Facebook homegirl? Why not blast Bill Belichik for not coming up with a new plan to cheat boyz out of Super Bowls? That would have been more appropriate than going at Ray Lewis for taking your husband's sneakers and giving him a wedgy.

It’s easy to win 3 out of 4 Super Bowls when you’re a peeping Tom! That's like ole Manti saying he's a ladies man now! If you know what boyz are about to do on every freaking play it’s a lot easier to be Tom Brady, right? These duns were climbing through the window in the middle of the night on boyz but she doesn’t remember that. However, she can pull up Ray Ray’s Wikipedia page though. What I’m most upset about on his page is the fact that they NEVER once mention his inability to stop crying! I’m fired up about that homeboy and somebody’s got to pay!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Wanda

"C'mon bruh, stop all that crying! They're trying to interview you!"

Dr. Seuss got everybody's attention when he said, “Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Jim Valvano courageously said, “If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

Well Ray Lewis definitely has something special alright because this dun doesn’t miss an opportunity to cry. For years I’ve wondered why they called him “Baby Ray” growing up. After watching these last three playoff games it’s obvious now! He cries more than Wanda on Good Times bruh. Every time this cat opens his freaking mouth or you just look at him good he’s crying. They were singing the National Anthem and this dun was falling apart. He’s the toughest crying mo-joker I’ve ever seen in my life.

The Ravens showed up in Foxboro and put that thang on Tom Brady and the New England Patriots 28-13 to advance to their first Super Bowl in 12 years led by crying Baby Ray with 14 tackles. After missing 10 weeks with a torn triceps he’s come back killin’ boyz with 44 postseason tackles in just 3 games.

Now I don’t know if it’s just Ray doing his thing or guys are just being suckered in by him crying all over the field but it's working. I just wish that they had him mic’d up tackling boyz and crying at the same time.

The trainers have to clean the snot off of his visor every time he comes off of the field because he's a freaking mess after every series of downs. He’s out there talking $100 worth of noise and boo hooing at the same time. Talking about folks momma’s and apologizing in the same breath because he can't keep it together.

You remember when you were a kid riding in the back seat and you got a little too jiggy for Big Momma and she reached over the seat and just slapped the "I'm too cool" right out of you? Then you cried so hard that you started hyperventilating? That's Baby Ray after a 3 and out playboy!

"I can't find my wrist band bruh!"

Can you imagine growing up with this dun watching him take kid's sneakers and lunch money on the way to school? The whole time he’s got some nerd pinned up against a car going through his pockets he’s falling apart. They don’t know whether he’s serious or not so they just let him have every thing like Deebo.

What so amazing about this victory is that Brady is 67-0 when leading at halftime and the Baltimore Ravens ended that streak to go to New Orleans to play the San Francisco 49er’s for the Ship! It will be the Harbaugh Bowl because Jim and John which are the only two blood brothers to ever square off against each other in a Super Bowl will meet in the Big Easy. Big Momma is so old that she already can’t tell them apart and now this? Who’s gonna explain to her that they’re playing each other for the title? Good luck with that bruh! I say leave it alone, what she doesn't know won't hurt her. Just tell her that her baby won the Super Bowl. She just figured out that her son-n-law is #1 Indiana’s head basketball coach Tom Crean.

Talk about a family of winner’s! I bet the family reunions are off the chain. Just don’t invite Baby Ray over because he’ll come through the door in mourning because the lady at the gas station looked at him funny or just plain looked at him. I keep hearing folks say that he’ll be great on television as an analyst but he’ll be even better as a professional funeral cryer. Call it Baby Ray’s Tear Service! Their motto is, “Just look in our direction and we’ll cry all day! And night, but it'll cost you.” I'm even crying writing this joint. I gotta go wipe my nose.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

No Brainer

"Really bruh? Y'all really think I'm stupid?"

The famous psychiatrist Thomas Szasz once said, "The stupid neither forgive nor forget, the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." The old timers would just say, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me." Now the gangstas from around the way would let it be known, "You got one time to play with me out here in these streets and I'm comin' to get you cuz I know where ya momma live."

Speaking of boyz being naive, dumb and down right stupid why has this rumor that LeBron James would be considering going back to Cleveland in 2014 other than to visit his old neighborhood in nearby Akron gained momentum? These dull sports writers out here are so engulfed in sports that they don't deal in reality bruh! Who does that? That's why I'm here baby boy because somebody's got to be the rational mind in all of this!

The word around the NBA and dull media circles is that the Cavs are trying to clear cap space to get LeBron to come back in 2014 because he has an opt out clause in his contract. Now that sounds like a great story but it's stupid and down right ignorant. Not only are the Cavs the 2nd worse freaking team in the league at 9-30 they're still the same broad that completely TRIPPED on him when he broke up with her the first time playa. 

Let's keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! They're the chick that he broke up with that lost her freaking mind. When he told her that he was moving to South Beach to date a better looking girl she burned his condo, threw all of his clothes out in the front yard and set them on fire too. Then opened the garage and keyed all of his rides, slashed the tires, dumped manure on the seats and stomped his cat to death. Then her old man got online and wrote a letter to everybody that he knows and completely blasted him and his character. Then went on to tell boyz not to mess with LeBron ever again!

Now on some real talk, he has to deal with her because he grew up with the broad and has a baby by her. So he can't completely avoid her. He still has to swing through from time to time to see her etc. but he ain't trying to get back with her like that because she's crazy and she's also let herself go! It was already too much work to take her from being the ugly chick nobody was checkin' for to being one of the baddest in the game. When he first got with her she thought that they were called "Scrimps!" He took her to the penthouse now she's a mess again living in the projects letting boyz run through her! 

He's got a bad bad on his arm right now. What was the point of going to South Beach to get with a dime that was exclusive if he was gonna go back to the dumpy built crazy chick living in the hood with halitosis? Not only is the girl in Miami treating  him like a King but she's setting it out too. She's going to pay him $20.6 million in '14-'15 and just over $22.1 million in '15-'16 to stay with her and she's got a gang of fine friends for his partners to come down there and kick it with too. 

If he goes to Cleveland the girl up there has a group of ugly broads that boyz already know are just as crazy as she is. That's why nobody would come hang out with him when he was up there the first time. So why in the world would he go back to that same foolishness? Like I said last year homeboy, Kyrie Irving is living out of a suitcase in an empty apartment bruh because he ain't trying to stay in Cleveland either! It's one the worse franchises in the league and he'll have way too many options to choose from when his rookie deal expires.  

"Yeah C'mon back playa!"

 He's only there because he was the 1st pick in the draft just like LeBron was. LeBron only stayed as long as he did because he was from there playboy. Uncle Drew is from New Jersey and he's trying to get out of dodge as soon as he can because none of his boyz wanna come out there to hang out with him either.

 Please stop listening to these clowns that only know sports and absolutely nothing about REAL life! Would you get back with your crazy ex-girlfriend in "nothing to do Cleveland" if you had a bad one on South Beach and you were winning? If nothing else he could go to the Lakers but never Cleveland pimpin'! It's a no brainer and on some real talk, REAL cats would lose tall respect for LeBron if he got back with that chick after all she put him through.

He doesn't owe that woman a red cent. He took her from being worth slightly less than $250 million when he first got with her to being worth more than $450 million when he left and he brought more than $150 million annually into the freaking city. He doesn't even need to look in her direction if he doesn't want to because she got way more out of the relationship than he did! Stop me when I start lyin' bruh! 

Holla At Ya Boy! 

Jay Graves 

Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport 

"In the Ride"

"Hey Manti, you ridin' today homie?"

Bo Bennett once said, “For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.” Ben Franklin broke us off by saying, “Half truth is often a great lie.” Paulo Coelho shut the building down when he said this, “No one can lie, no one can hide anything, when he looks directly into someone’s eyes.”

Manti Te’o sat down with ESPN’s Jeremy Schaap on Friday night to tell his side of the story. However, this dun refused to do it on camera which further raises eyebrows because boyz can’t look into those eyes that my man Paulo just told us about. Ole boy is adamantly denying that he had ANYTHING to do with the hoax. That’s his story and he’s sticking with it.

Well let me break this joint down in my Big Momma, Madea, Memma, Nana, La abuela,  La Tina a lo’u (Samoan) voice or whatever genre you’re singing in bruh, “If you never met her baby, she ain’t yo girlfriend! So if you’re running around telling folks that she is, you lyin’! That’s lie #1!”

Look here homeboy, you’re talking to some real G’s out here! So let’s stop with the whole "I'm innocent role" and man up. Stop telling folks that you didn’t have anything to do with the hoax if you kept perpetuating a lie even after you knew what time it was. That’s lie #2.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! I don’t know how they get down in Hawaii but where I’m from, if you are with someone that commits a crime and you do nothing to stop it or to report it. Then you're just as guilty of the crime as the dun doing all of the work.

You’re like the cat that’s riding around with his homie’s smoking weed and drinking. Then all of a sudden unbeknownst to you they decide that they’re gonna rob banks all day. Now you didn’t get in the ride to rob banks you got in the joint to smoke and drink. So you decide that you’re not going to participate but you wanna ride anyway. For the next 3 months you ride with them and while they run in to pull robberies you sit in the car and smoke weed and drink! Because smoking and drinking is better to you while you’re riding. There's something about the vibrations of the vehicle that helps your buzz, right?

When they arrest these duns for robbing banks you’re going to jail too pimpin’! Just because you didn’t go in, put on a ski mask, pull a trigger or carry any bread out you were still involved. So therefore, you can’t show up to court and say you weren’t there because everybody saw you in the ride.

Every time Te'o did an interview and told boyz that his girl was the most amazing person he’d ever "met" he was in the ride. Every interview that he did post December 6th when he says he supposedly found out he was duped and kept the story going. He was in the ride. When he said in the Jeremy Schaap interview, “So I kind of tailored my stories to have people think that, yeah he met her before she passed away.” He was in the ride!

When he lied to his old man and told him that his girl flew to Hawaii in 2011 to see him and his dad in turn repeated the lie to reporters when asked about it and he never corrected it. He was in the ride! When the story was printed and constantly repeated that he met her at Stanford in 2009 after the ND/Stanford game and he never made it right! He was in the freaking ride homeboy drunk and as high as Snoop and Wiz Khalifa at a Cheech and Chong birthday party!!

So don’t tell all of these REAL cats out here that you had NOTHING to do with it because you’re disrespecting our intelligence. If Te'o can say that he had nothing to do with it and folks will believe it. Then let all of the homies out of jail doing 15-20 for just being in the ride too because they're just as innocent.

"That's my linebacker"

Also let me address the clowns that fell for the Oakey Doke that the Notre Dame AD, Jack Swarbrick, ran when he got on television crying and carry on. For all of you that believed that this cat was crying because one of the THOUSANDS of student athletes that have come through the doors of ND on his watch got played online. I’ve got some palm trees, home grown alligators and million dollar homes to sell you in the middle of the projects in Gary, In., playboy.

This cat was crying because he knows that he and ND covered this foolishness up for way too long and he's about to lose the best AD's job in America when it’s all said and done. Notre Dame knew way more about this foolishness than they're leading us to believe. But just like I told you when the Sandusky joint jumped off at Penn State that boyz in the athletic department knew what time it was and the shoes are gonna fall at Notre Dame too.

The Fightin' Irish got crazy attention this year not only because of the football team winning but because the Manti story was Hollywood and boyz ate it up. So why stop the foolishness if we can make money off of it in the process. Think about the amount of magazine covers this dun was on this year not because of what he did on the field but because of this story! The more publicity the school gets the more bread it generates. The more cats apply, the more popular the school gets, the more valuable it becomes to the BCS! Like I always say in my Huggy Low Down voice, “Waaait for it!” Because it's only gonna get worse before it gets better and stop me when I start lyin' playa!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport
This joint is completely my opinion!

Street Clothes

"Not today playboy!"

Malcolm X once said, “There is nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.” Ernest Hemingway just kept it real by saying, “Man is not made for defeat.”

However, in 2013 the Los Angels Lakers are! After literally playing with these boyz for 3 quarters the Miami Heat showed the crowd in LA why they were the defending NBA champions and put the Lakers to bed 99-90. LeBron put up what seems to be his usual production, 39-8-7 and ole slam ball playing Dwayne Wade took very few smoke breaks and threw in 27 points on his 31st birthday. He was probably using that smokeless cigarette on the bench so he wouldn’t have to run to parking lot as much last night.

On some real talk, the Lakers looked good until LeBron took off his house shoes and do rag and laced them up in the 4th quarter and let Kobe know that he was definitely the best player on the planet and more specifically in the Staples Center on Thursday night. James connected on a flurry of clutch shots and simply locked down on the Black Mamba to close out the joint.

Let it be known to all playas and playettes that King James is the best mo-joker on the planet. I read an article the other day where Kobe said that he’s never lost a game of one on one in his life! In my Ochocinco voice, “CHILD PLEASE!” Stop with that foolishness bruh! Everybody has played with studs that were older than they were growing up and even the best of the best get their butts handed to them from time to time. So if he’s claiming NEVER getting beat one on one well put Thursday night down playa and have LeBron sign his shoes and date them joints the "4th quarter on everything."

What’s up with Ray Allen bruh?  I mean he scored 7 of his 9 points in the final 5 minutes but for the most part he’s been dull!  He hasn’t been able to hit an elephant in the butt with a base fiddle lately. In Indiana last week he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn as he went scoreless against the Pacers. The Heat only shot 15% from downtown last night in LA. That has to change between now and April to make a run in June. I’m just sayin’!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! The Heat are still the team to beat but they’ve got to play with major intensity when it counts. Now obviously these boyz aren’t going to go all out every night because quite honestly there is no need to do that because the season is so long. But duns like D. Wade and the supporting cast better get their heads together in the process.

LeBron can’t afford to go into the playoffs having to put all these cats squarely on his back because boyz are coming in the East. New York isn’t playing and quietly the Pacers may put up a better fight than they did last year when they got pushed around and punk’d by ole street clothes wearing under the jogging suit Juwan Howard.

Remember when Juwan punk’d Lance Stevenson before a game in the playoffs for giving the choke signal from the bench. Now when a cat can change the momentum of a series from the bench eating popcorn with street shoes on with his uniform you know you’re ready to win a title. The question is, who’s gonna step up this year? We haven't even mentioned all of the talent coming out of the West! That's why the Heat is bumpin' that Biggie One More Chance on every flight, "First things first, I Poppa...."

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Skunk

Huh????

The old timers would always say, “Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay and cost you more than you want to pay.” Lucillle Ball once said, “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

Manti Te’o thought she said, “The secret to winning the Heisman is to live dangerously, eat everything and lie about having a dead girlfriend.” Y’all gone start listening me bruh! I told you back in November in the Hot Joint entitled "The Heisman Hustle" that boyz were trying to give Manti the Heisman off of the sympathy vote and he darn near won it too.

He got boyz for all of the other national awards because he scammed unsuspecting suckas in the media. The problem for them is that they can't go back and recoup their votes because you know they only voted for him because of his story! So he essentially robbed the joint with a butter knife.

Back in September it was reported that both his grandmother and his girlfriend died less than six hours apart and now we find out that his girl never even existed. This dun pulled a fast one on his teammates, the university and the clowns that voted for him and almost got away with it if it wasn’t for Deadspin smelling a skunk on the line and investigating. That's why I kept saying that he was a fraud because he was only getting press because he played through the deaths.

Now Te’o is doing what Big Momma calls layering. He’s telling more lies to cover up the first joint. Now this dun is saying that he was a victim of an online hoax and boyz are even believing that. Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! How can you be the victim and you made up the broad out of thin air?

According to the South Bend Tribune he says his dad says he met the chick in 2009 after the Stanford/Notre Dame game in Palo Alto. Now he’s saying that he met her online and never saw her. That it was only an online relationship.

Let’s stop right there pimpin’! Online relationships are for nerds and geeks that can’t pull. You are the MOST popular cat on campus and when you’re the freaking man, you don’t pull you choose! So tell that to some dun with an ear on his hip bruh! You knew the story was fishy when a boy tells you his girl dies and he doesn’t go to the funeral, doesn't have her obituary in his locker or better yet, he isn't rockin' the R.I.P. t-shirt on the yard like all of these young cats do now days! You know all of the brothers on the squad were waiting for him to pull that joint out and pour out some liquor for the homies that ain't here but he never did!

But what do I know, he’s Samoan maybe in his culture they don’t go to funerals and act a fool like black folks. Because if Leroy’s grandmother and girlfriend had died on the same day they would have had both caskets in full view and boyz would be anteing up to pay the funeral director his bread. It’s never going to be a question as to whether they died because Big Momma would have been trying to climb into the casket with grandma.

Y’all know how they have to tackle boyz and drag them away from the casket to even bury the joint. This goes on for at least 20 minutes because they have to keep stopping to pull duns off so they can cover it with dirt. So you don’t have to worry about a black kid running that scam cuz we ain’t missin’ no funerals playboy! Not with all of that foolishness!

Manti’s even got cats believing that he used to sit on the phone for 8 hours at a time as his girl slept while she was sick. I heard one report say that he would wake up in the morning and pick up the phone only to hear her breathing. Now unless she was a Pachyderm on a breathing treatment with the phone strapped to her mouth that ain’t happening. We all have fallen asleep on the phone as kids and by the time you wake up that joint is on the floor or somewhere deep in the bowels of the bed. So if he still heard her breathing she was a Tyrannosaurus Rex with asthma, acid reflux and smokers breath.

After all of this foolishness we find out that his boy, Ronaiah Tuiasosopo of the football famous Tuiasosopo's, was the clown behind his girl’s fake Twitter account. It's his boy because he hooked up with him when Notre Dame went to LA to play USC according to both of their Twitter accounts.

So now what bruh? I’m just waiting for the next lie and so on and so forth because he’s so deep in the hole now that he’s disoriented. The rule is, whenever you find yourself in a hole stop digging. This dun is so deep at this point he needs oxygen. His freaking lungs are about to explode from the pressure and he’s not smart enough to just come on up for air.

He’s the Joe on First 48 in the interrogation room with blood on his shoes, scratches on his face, the pistol and rope has his fingerprints, the victim’s cell phone and keys to the car are in his pockets and he’s still lying.

Not only did he get his butt handed to him in the national title game. He’s completely made a fool out of himself for trying to win the Heisman that he should never have even been in the running for in the first place with a lie. He and ole Lance Armstrong must have studied at the same academy for liars and cheaters with Bernie Madoff teaching in his underwear. Like I’ve been saying all year, he’s gonna be Brian Bozworth all over again, all hype and no substance! He’ll be in and out of the league faster than a robbery or a panty raid at the old folk's home on Saturdays because his draft status is falling like debris not because of this foolishness but because he wasn't as good as advertised bruh.

Please don't walk away from this joint confused! Manti Te'o and his boy ran a scam to win the Heisman on the sympathy vote but it didn't work. They ran up in the Downtown Athletic Club with a ski mask on and some firecrackers. They scared a few boyz but couldn't get away with it. Now jig is up and the skunk has been shot! Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twtiter; @jaygravesreport
This joint is completely my opinion!

Car Sick

"Get out of the car if you ain't going where I'm tryin' to go bruh!"

Theodore Roosevelt once said, “If you kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” Old man Mr. Willie that thought he was a coach but had nothing to do with the team would always shout from behind the fence, “You gotta pull your weight son; otherwise it ain’t no sense in you being here.” My dad would really let you know how he felt by saying, “Look here boy! If you ain’t gone play better than that I can stay at home the next time.”

That’s what all the folks on the south side of Chicago are saying every time their homeboy Dwayne Wade steps on the floor now. For the past two seasons this dun has been one of the most inconsistent players in the league. On Monday night Eric Spoelstra finally got tired of it and benched him and Chris Bosh in the fourth quarter of a 104-97 loss to the Utah Jazz for essentially being dull. LeBron played the entire quarter with bench players and almost managed a comeback!

I keep telling boyz that D. Wade is notorious for taking smoke breaks in the middle of the freaking game and cats act like they don't see it. One minute this dun is on fire and the next he’s in the parking lot in the back seat of the ride with his feet kicked up sucking nicotine. He’s so bad that he doesn’t even put the joint out when he goes back on the court. He pulls the old school broke move by laying it down on the sidewalk still burning, run into the corner store and then picks it back up when he comes back out. You know how cats would walk around with the half smoked cigarette in their ear. That’s D. Wade in the 3rd quarter of a game now. Pay close attention to him tonight against Golden State.

Last week he had 23 points in the first half against Indiana and then only took 1 shoot the entire second half playa. When he is playing hard it’s like he’s on the floor playing slam ball. Will somebody please tell me why this dun can’t stay upright? Ima keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! It’s time to trade Dwayne Wade bruh! His skill level is still there but his effort sucks and why keep an expensive player that’s essentially the same player as LeBron? However, LeBron is bigger, stronger, and faster and doesn’t take smoke breaks and will give you 26-8-6 EVERY night.

Now can D. Wade put up 25-30 points on a boy at anytime? Sure, but he can’t give it to you every night! He’s not even close to giving that to you every night. If you put a Blue Man costume on every player on the team, changed all of their numbers around and just watched them play with their salaries in front of you corresponding to the numbers. You’d say, “who is the clown that’s on fire one minute that can’t stay off of his back the next and periodically runs to the parking lot to shoot craps with the neighborhood hustla's? Let’s get rid of him now because he isn’t worth the $17.8 million we’re paying him to give us that.” However, because we know its D. Wade boyz think that it’s blasphemous to say trade in the same sentence because it used to be his team. Well, Hammer pants used to be hot too playboy!

 The Heat are in desperate need a BIG man and I say trade him because he’s gonna keep disappearing on boyz well into the playoffs this year like he did last year. How many times did the trainers and ball boys have to go find that dun in the Eastern Conference Finals? I’d ship him up to Minnesota and get Kevin Love and go to work on the league with that line up.

 Minnesota’s number one priority is to sell tickets bruh not to win a title. It’s freaking Minnesota for crying out loud! So therefore, fans would pay to see Wade playing and his girl Gabrielle sitting court side because they’re tired of seeing Prince, Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis and toothless Alexander O’Neil at the games. That way Wade can take smoke breaks with Alexander in his ’86 Chevette out back and nobody would trip. Now on some real talk, it doesn't matter where they send him as long as they get a legitimate big man for him because Wade ain't worth the bread they're paying him.

See here’s the Heat’s problem, the only cat on the team with the pressure to win is LeBron. The rest of those Joe’s have already achieved more than what they’ve ever set out to achieve. They’re rich, live on South Beach or Star Island somewhere, got a bad chick on their arm and they’ve already won an NBA championship. D. Wade has two rings now so he’s really straight. If he never wins another title nobody would trip or question his legacy because there was no expectation for him to be great. He can essentially shut it down and boyz wouldn’t say a word.

So really LeBron is the only cat in the car that has somewhere to go. That’s why the rest of these duns keep asking King James why he’s speeding and running lights. See everybody else is sight seeing and LeBron is on a major treasure hunt.

If HE never wins another title his legacy would be considered garbage because of the level of expectation that the media as well as the dull, not 4, not 5, not 6, not 7 statement that he made at that stupid pep rally when he first signed with the Heat will bury him if he doesn’t win multiple titles. So he's car sick at this point! That’s why you gotta trade D. Wade because there is no sense of urgency with this cat and LeBron is like Benjamin Gates (Nicholas Cage) looking for the National Treasure.

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

CONFESSIONS

"See what had happen was..."

There is an old ghetto proverb that says, “He that will cheat at play, will cheat you any way.” My mother-n-law always says, “If you’ll lie, you’ll cheat and if you’ll cheat, you’ll steal.” The old whinno's sitting in the vacant lot next to the liquor store was real with it when they said in a drunken voice, “I would like to toast to lying, stealing, cheating and drinking. If you gone to lie, lie for a friend. If you gone steal, steal a heart. If you gone cheat, cheat death and if you gone drink, drink with me. So when you go in there homeboy grab that Wild Irish Rose, that 20/20 or that Thunder Bird and fo cups playa!”

Back in August Lance Armstrong just got tired of lying, stealing and cheating and threw in the towel. When the US Anti-Doping Agency stripped him of his 7 Toure de France titles and all of his awards folks that supported him went crazy. They were screaming from the roof tops, “Lance has been the most tested athlete in the world and has never come up dirty.” You’re exactly right bruh and Barry Bonds never tested positive either but we all knew ole boy was ridin' dirtier than Chamillionaire. When a boy's head and feet grow after he's a fully grown man, he's juicing pimpin'! They never found the bloody knife at O.J.'s crib and the glove didn't fit either but we all knew that dun was guilty. Karma is a monster and that’s why he’s on double secret punishment right now trying to keep some cat named Tiny off of him.

On Monday ole Lance pulled up to an Austin area hotel bumpin’ Usher's “Confessions” as loud as he could to get hyped enough to sit down with Oprah to spill his guts in an interview set to air on Thursday and Friday. All of the clowns that were adamant about this him being innocent have scattered like roaches when the lights come on at this point. True playas and playettes didn’t need a confession because he essentially gave it to us in August when he stopped fighting for his innocence.

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! Whenever a boy just gives up and says I’m tired of wrestling with you about my innocence and is willing to give up all of the titles, money and his good name he’s guilty bruh. If your company claimed that you were embezzling money but had no proof of it and they’ve been investigating you for 10 years and still keep coming up short. You wouldn’t just give up the fight to clear your name, walk out and give them all of your bread back! Y’all smell that?

What blew me away was seeing how naive people were in supporting this cat because of all of the money that he’s raised for cancer research. Did he raise $500 million for cancer? Absolutely! However, he’s been a fraud in the process! He would never have had the platform to raise that type of bread had he not been a 7 time Toure de France Champion. Nobody would have cared if he’d been some cat named Charlie that survived cancer that never won a race. Sure, he would have been applauded for his efforts just like other folks that have survived cancer. However, he wouldn’t have been able to galvanize people at the same level.

Is $500 million, $500 million? Absolutely! However, Frank Lucas sold heroin to the people of Harlem and then gave turkeys away on Thanksgiving. While I applaud Robin Hood for looking out for the brothers in the projects, he was still a thief. Just because he did something nice with his celebrity doesn’t excuse him from cheating in cycling homeboy even with a confession. The only reason that Nike was able to sell the LIVESTRONG brand was because he won 7 Toure’s and people were inspired by the story. So Nike was unknowingly making money off of a scam too.

Will people forgive him? Sure they will, but this dun is only confessing because it’s a PR move to save whatever rep he's got left. You better believe that he's about to start singing like Prince in 6 inch heels with his butt out and throwing all kind of boyz under the bus! When this cat gets through singing the whole sport of cycling will be in ruins. He's gonna be the only one left standing like Sam Rostein in Casino with a pair of thick glasses.

If he’d never been caught with the loaded pistol and ski mask under the seat after he'd thrown the dope out of the window. He would still be rolling around bumpin’ that MC Breed and Tupac, “I Gotta Get Mine,” sitting on 24’s with LiveStrong plates.

Now do I give a crap if this guy cheated to win 7 bicycle races. Not at all! No more than I care if Barry Bonds or Mark McGuire cheated to hit some freaking home runs. But don't try to tell me that he's a hero for raising money for cancer because he never would have been able to put the Superman tights on if he hadn't been a cheater! Now that we can finally agree that he was merely a fraud and not a hero I'm willing to move on!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter: @jaygravesreport

Who?

"Now remind me again, who is this we're playing?"

Jimmy Connors once said, “I hate to lose more than I love to win.” Vince Lombardi was dead serious when he said, “Winning is not a sometime thing; it’s an all the time thing. You don’t win once in a while, you don’t do things right once in a while, you do them right all of the time. Winning is habit.” My man Aristotle was the in the barber shop one day and broke this down, “We are what we repeatedly do! Excellence then, is not an act but a habit.”

Ole Tom Brady must have been in the shop that day because he understands what winning is all about. He and his boyz put that thang on the Houston Texans 41-28 to advance to the AFC Title Game. That win was Brady’s 17th postseason victory which is an NFL record. This dun knows how to get it done, you feelin’ me!

Now who in their right mind thought that the Texans would show up in Foxboro and come out of there alive besides Roland Martin? They were 13-4 coming into the joint but no objective observer gave these boyz a chance of winning in the playoffs on the road. On some real talk, I wouldn’t have given them a chance against the freaking Jacksonville Jaguars in a road playoff game and the Jags are horrible! When the Texans were rolling earlier this season and boyz from Houston were talking crazy to folks, including Ro, I just shook my head. It’s the Houston Texans bruh!

Let’s keep it real or all the way 100, whichever comes 1st! You can’t be a winner in the NFL with a name like the Houston Texans. Who does that? Since the Cowboys was taken you just gave up and named it the Texans? How corny is that? That’s like naming a team the St. Louis Arch's or the New York Statue of Liberty’s.  Boyz in New England weren’t gonna take an “L” from a team with a corny name bruh. That’s like getting beat up at school by a kid named Myron or Sebastian and then letting him take your varsity letter and new Jordan’s. That's like allowing a kid named Archibald to steal your bike, change out the handle bars on it and trade them with YOU for some reflectors.

There is a high school here in Indiana called the Frankfort Hot Dogs bruh! They get the doors beat off of them every week. Why? Because there's nothing intimidating about their name! The same goes for a school in Indy called the Speedway Spark Plugs! Boyz can't wait to play them because they sound like a joke! It doesn't change because boyz are in the NFL. Proverbs 22:1 says, A good name is more desirable than riches, to be esteemed is better than silver and gold." Now I know that he was talking about your reputation but what kind of rep do you get by having a corny name? The Texans bruh?

That's like when Lil Flip was trying to call himself the King of the South. The name alone lost that battle before they even they spit one lyric! T.I.P. vs Lil Flip? On GP you can't ride with a boy calling himself Lil Flip! That's like showing up with Pookie and Ray Ray ridin' shotgun and the cat you're about to fight has a dun named Waldo in the car!

The Patriots were so pissed off that Houston even showed up to their jobs woofing that they started pulling boyz off of the bench just to prove a point. Some stud named Shane Vereen ran out on the field with some church shoes and a pair of thick and thins on and scored three touchdowns homie. They penciled this Joe’s name in on the roster before kickoff. The fans didn’t even know who this cat was because he barely plays! They’d seen him at the mall from time to time but they weren’t checking for him like that. He had to ride in with Tom Brady so that he wouldn’t get lost getting to the stadium.

Listen up Texan fans! In order to compete in the NFL playoffs you’ve got to go find a legitimate nickname playa. Don’t show up calling yourself the Texans ever again. That’s like rolling through the hood calling yourself a street gang and your name is the Taylor Street Meany’s or the Anderson Street Anaconda’s. You’ll get your lunch money taken by 78 year old Lil’ Miss Ruthie. The mean old lady that carry’s a gun in her purse that lives on the corner! Getting beat in the playoffs by the Texans would have been worse than letting a kid named Stanley come to your crib and slapping your momma.

In order to become a winner you've got to have the name of one homeboy! The Patriots, Ravens, 49ers and Falcons at least sound like their gonna show up and put in work. Even the sorry Detroit Lions sound tougher than the Texans! They just need to see the wizard! The Houston Texans sound like a Broadway show starring John Wayne and I'm a native Texan. Stop me when I start lyin’!

Holla At Ya Boy!
Jay Graves
Get @ me on Twitter:@jaygravesreport